Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Busy
I felt it was time to explain a few things, mainly, the biggest reason for my lack of posts here lately. things haven't been going all too well with me the last couple of months and I didn't feel like blogging about it on a site where people "know" me. I have found a place where I can talk about my troubles, anonymously, and I am also seeking professional help.
I am working on getting better, which I try to remain positive about.
Last night I enjoyed a GREAT K's Choice concert in Vredenburg, Utrecht. It was really awesome and amazing. We were standing front row, in between Sarah and Gert. The atmosphere was really good and I enjoyed every second of it!
Now I am packing because tomorrow, Joyce and I will travel to Bonn, Germany. There we will attend FedCon 19! Whoop whoop! If we have internet in our room, I will do my best to share some pictures and stories during the event.
Again, sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'd wish things would be different...
Thanks for your interest!
Friday, February 26, 2010
It's been a long, long time...
I know it's been a while. There are many reasons, which I am not going to share with all of you here online (if you know me and are interested, you know how to reach me). But (again) people pointed out that my blog had not been updated in ages. So here I am again and thinking about what to share today. I would like to apologize for stupid writing mistakes which may be in this text. My cellphone does not spellcheck and at times, it also misses letters that I have typed. Sometimes I catch the missing ones and other times...not. And seeing (unfortunately) English is not my main language, I will use some "easier" words more often since I can't always come up with the better, more suiting words. I hope you don't mind... Thanks!
A thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is jealousy. Everyone has some of it in them, for many and no reasons at all. And I have been thinking about me, myself and I. If I think I am jealous and if so, in what context am I jealous and how did I come to be jealous. And what goes on inside of me when I have these feelings. Jealousy makes me feel diferent emotions at the time I am experiencing it. It depends on the situation and people involved. But most of the time I feel anger and betrayal. Have I always been jealous or did something (or things) improve those feelings, these emotions?
My jealousy comes from my uncertainty. And that comes from my trouble in trusting people. And that all starts in my childhood, since I was used one time too many, or two. Now it really takes me a lot of time till I really know someone and when I feel more at ease with him/her, then I can work on trust and a deeper friendship. A friendship in which I can share my personal feelings and thoughts without having to worry that this will fall in the hands of "wrong" people. That is, people I don't know (or even don't want/need to know) or know too well. People who will judge on hearsay instead of the real "story" behind it all.
So, this all "said", I can easily say I have just a few friends who I really trust with all I am. I have many friends who do know me, but not all of me. And these friends I treasure because they are not easy to find and when you have such friends, you need to guard them with your life.
I know my "secrets" are safe with them and they won't judge me on small stuff but on the whole package.
And then there are the good friends which became even closer friends: my lovers. I know that in the heat of the moment, things can be said which are too harsh and aweful. But those things can be patched up, if both sides are willing to. But the stuff I experience with them, sexual or simple stuff that happens at home, I want to be private. As it happens in a private enviroment. Yes, my best friends will know stuff that had happened when I need to let it all out. But the ones I share it with all know my loved ones and won't use it against them (or me). The ones I share it with respect me and my lovers and know us.
I was wondering if it was silly of me to ask of them to keep our private stuff just as it is: private. And if they needed to unwind, I gave them some names of friends who I felt "safe" with.
But it all seems too hard, too difficult or too silly...
Ah well, this is all I am willing to share to give some insight into the whole jealousy thing.
I've never been too jealous till I got fooled by someone I love(d). I found out got lied to, and I found out what the real story was. It hurt. Cut deep. Tearjerker and all. Still can feel sh*t about it at times. And I guess that's my trigger for my jealousy. And it also gave a huge dent into the faith I had in the honesty of people, especially people who stand close to you.
So if I am lied to and I find out about it, I get angry and my jealousy will stick it's little head up once again. Since I want to know why I was being lied to. What made that person think I would be happier with lies instead of the truth? Why did that person think I wasn't "truth material"? And all these questions make me insecure about myself, about the relationships I have and about the person who lied to me.
I am really looking for people who'd like to discuss this all with me, here (for those who juust stumbled on this blogpost) or by e-mail (for those who know me). Since I'd like to know how others deal with stuff like this. How others would react in the same situation? What are your views on this?
Well, I am doing quite OK I just feel a it down every now and then due to "issues" like this.
Thanks for your time and maybe also thanks for your comments =)
Take care everyone, cherish the friends and people you love and care about!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I believe…
You all know I am active on Facebook. Several great writers and actors as well as many good friends are on there too. Anne Rice, a very famous writer, is busy on research for her new books. Her old books dealt with vampires, the new ones deal with belief and religion. And she uses the internet a lot to check out people’s views on things. One of her questions got me thinking (ow ow Anne, what did you do???).
The following is what I know, how I experienced it. I haven’t done any research before writing this blog. I did put a lot of links in it to files at www.wikipedia.org. So if anyone wishes to know more about a topic, just click on the link.
I don’t mean anyone any harm! I know that religion can be a delicate thing for people and it is not my intention to look down on any religion. Everyone is in my opinion free to believe in what makes them happy. As long as no one pushes his/her religion to others. In many religions, as far as I know, is one of the main “rules” to harm no other living being. That’s what I believe in: believe what you wish but harm no one with it.
I have been raised as a Christian. I’ve been baptized, did the first communion and went to a Christian school. But after a while, more religious views were coming to the Netherlands. Of course, in the 70’s already many people from Turkey came to live in the Netherlands. And later on, many people from Morocco immigrated to the Netherlands. All the people that came to live in our country took their own religions with them. In the Netherlands, the main religions were Roman Catholicism and Protestantism. There were also people who survived World War 2 and stayed in the Netherlands after we were freed from the Nazi’s. These people were Jewish. So that was yet another religious believe that people in the Netherlands had. So the Catholics,Protestants and Jews followed the Bible in their own way, the Muslims followed the Qur’an.
As long as there has been religion, there have been religious wars. And that is one of the things I dislike about it. I know the Bible has a Golden Rule which works in two ways. It exists in both positive (generally structured in the form of "do to others what you would like to be done to you") and negative form (structured in the form of "do not do to others what you would not like to be done to you"). While similar, these forms are not strictly the same; they differ in what to do with what you would like to be done to you and the other party would not like to be done upon it. The negative form, known as the Silver Rule does directly not contain this while the positive form can exclude it indirectly with that you would like from others to check if you really like it, which is an example of using the golden rule in a context which makes it self-correcting, as argued in the criticisms section. This Golden Rule is also seen in other religions, though under another name and said with other words. In the Jewish Talmud this can be found: “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.” This is a quote from Hillel. These are just some things I have found using the wikipedia site. Of course, if you believe in a religion, I guess you already know how the “Golden Rule” implies to your religion and faith.
And in my opinion everyone is entitled to their believe, faith and religion. But WHY do people still have to fight? There have been reports on-line and in newspapers and you can also hear it when you talk with friends: many times a fight/war is based on religion. But why can’t people see Jesus and Allah as one and the same person. When you read the Bible or the Qur’an, it comes down to people believing in one “leader” of their faith and their followers. I have no problems with people who believe in any of the believes and follow their “rules”. But how come that people sometimes claim their wrong behavior, often dealing with pain or even death inflicting incidents, to their faith? Since their faith tells them that they are not allowed to hurt themselves nor others… If people think they should fight for their believe, I don’t think the best way is to fight with their hands and weapons. Since the faith doesn’t allow any violence… Or did I misunderstand it?
I believe there must be someone or something that makes the world go round. But I don’t really believe in giving him/her/it a name. I hope that others will let me live my life as I am with my belief and I will let others live with their own chosen religion. Don’t try to force any religion on me and I won’t interfere with theirs. Seems like a simple but good plan, right?
Let me know what you think. And again, no offence to any religion at all! If your religion/belief makes you happy, I am happy for you!
Well, that’s it for now folks!
Monday, January 04, 2010
TV series… Follow up!
I have been working a lot on the new “TV series to DVD” board!
BUT I am still looking for people who’d like to join me. I alone can’t make it work, I need your help!
Posting about series that have been aired on TV, maybe they are on DVD or maybe you are still waiting for them to get released.
Share information about the shows you loved!
Get a chance to “get in touch” with (older) shows you might have missed…
Come to TV series to DVD and sign up!
Hope to see you soon!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
TV series I love…
…and I wish to come out on DVD (in the Netherlands)
There are many shows that I loved to watch on TV while growing up. There are many shows that I love to watch now.
Some have come out on DVD, which I was and am very grateful for. But unfortunately, most of them have not been released on DVD nor can I find any plans on the net to have them released at any time. There are two shows that I have only the first season of. After that, they decided to not put out the other seasons. I’ve been waiting several years now, seeing it’s been a few since the release of season 1 of Cagney & Lacey and Strong Medicine.
Other series that I’m still waiting for include Hunter (I know it’s been released in the USA), Cold Case (still airing here in the Netherlands), Sisters and of course the rest of the seasons of Cagney & Lacey and Strong Medicine.
I am wondering why they air these shows for so many years, they get such a good response from the audience (they even cancelled Cagney & Lacy until the viewers all wrote to CBS and they got the show back for another 5 seasons!), get awarded and then they let them die. People who always tuned in at time, not to miss an episode, eager to see the next one after the one on the telly just ended… What would happen if we all would write to who knows who to get these seasons released! But to get something like that done, I guess it’s almost impossible to achieve.
Soooooo I’ve come up with an idea. It’s just a long shot, but who knows… I’ve created an account at proboard.com and made a forum :-) Hopefully, people will become members and maybe together we can get something accomplished. The forum can be accessed through this link. Registration is free and discussing on the topics is welcome :-)
Maybe together we can make a difference. And of course it’s always fun to discuss the TV shows that we loved and still love.
Thanks for your interest! Have a great year! Please join the board!
TTFN Cynni
Saturday, December 26, 2009
SCHADE Radio WDR2!
This is an e-mail I just wrote to the WDR2 (German) radio show (wdr2@wdr.de):
Dear sir, madame,
As a great Roxette fan I was delighted to hear that you’d be airing 3 of their NOTP songs. But did the commentator do any research AT ALL before saying these things about Marie Fredriksson?
OF COURSE she hasn’t recovered completely. She had a brain tumor and this is all there is for her. The doctors gave her a chance of 5% to survive it. So all in all, she’s 95% better than the doctors had given her!
OF COURSE she isn’t jumping around on stage like she used to. Her right eye only has a 5-10% vision due to the tumor and surgery. She can’t see in 3D like “normal” people with good eyesight can. THAT’s ONE of the reasons the stage had a BIG white star: so Marie could see it when the lights were going from dark to light and back again. Ever tried to tape off one of your eyes and get on a stage…?
OF COURSE she doesn’t sound like she used to. She survived this tumor but she also has passed the age of 50… She is born on May 30th 1958, so 51 years young. As we age, your voice ages with you. But seeing that she had to learn how to write, read and speak again after the tumor surgery, I would say she did a fantastic job.
All in all: that reporter has hurt many of the Roxette fans who have stayed loyal to Per, Marie and their band while Marie was going though these hard times of recovery.
So I think it would be fair to say that she deserves FAR MORE credit than the commentator gave her.
It’s a shame he didn’t do his homework before placing his negative comments on a woman who has beaten the chances of surviving a tumor and he himself would have gotten more praise if only he had given it to the one who deserves it for 100%: Marie Fredriksson!
Thanks for the songs, next time, leave the dumb commentator out please…
With regards,
Cynthia de Ruiter
The Netherlands
I guess this says enough… If you have heard it (or after reading this) and you’d like to tell them that this is NOT done for all the fans AND Marie, EMAIL them! If they get many, many e-mails from all Magic Friends, we could make a difference for Marie… For Roxette!
Spread the word, flood the WDR2 email inbox!
Cause it all begins again where it ends… And we’re all MAGIC FRIENDS!
Merry X-mas to all!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Working on my story
lately, I've been busy with my story again. Writing, changing some things, and thinking of things that should be part of this story. I did "publish" some parts online in the beginning. But I am not going to do so anymore. If this writing is really going well and if the story comes around the way I'd like to, hope to, it might be a nice idea to be able to send it out to some publisher (if ever!).
And if I go around putting my work online, I kinds lose my "claim" to it. Or so I feel...
But if you, my dear readers, are interested in how this story is progressing, please leave me a comment here! If I already have your e-mail I could send it to you. Otherwise, please send me your e-mail addy to my personal FaceBook inbox (so it will be kept private).
I AM curious to your comments, ideas and any mistakes you've encountered while reading it...
Drop me a line, or just leave me a comment ;-) Thanks!
TTFN, Cynni xx
Friday, December 04, 2009
More NOTP Oberhausen vids
Jonas Isacsson with Alan Parsons, outtake of "Eye in the sky".
Wonderful solo by mister Isacsson!
The Katona Twins with a lovely medley of well known songs. See if you recognize them all!
Roxette with their third world wide number 1 hit: Joyride!
If you like my video's, check out my YouTube. Don't hesitate to comment ;-)
Have a nice day everyone!




